An Immortal Wish
by Virginia May
Summary: Is there redemption for the fallen? Can there really be a plan for those who've already lost their souls? Vampire Edward Cullen doesn't think so, but a young girl in a coma and an unexpected miracle just might make him a believer. AU-Twilight/Canon Pairs.
1. JUDGEMENT

**_Author's Note: _**_Hi, there! Here we go again! This is a little AU re-imagining of Twilight that I was inspired to write many months ago during the "Pick a Pic" Contest over on the TwiFicPics site. I didn't find out about it in time to submit an entry, but this went much longer than a one-shot anyway. I'd like to thank **TKegl** for making the pretty animated banner that inspired me, and my friend, **Susie**, who beta'd and pre-read this bad-boy for me. I love you ladies! 3_

_- A quick warning: This fic is rated "T" so there will be no lemons. Just telling you up front... I hope you'll still give it a chance anyway, and that said, some elements of the story involving spirituality may not be for everyone. I appreciate you reading anyway. :)  
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><p><strong><em><span>Disclaimer:<span>_** **_All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._**

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><p><strong> Prologue:<strong>

**JUDGEMENT**

"What have you done, young one?"

The voice she knew better than her own called to her, seeming to come from inside her very soul. There was no hiding from the One who made her. He had known her shame and her sin from the moment she doubted Him. More likely, He had known from the moment He thought her into being.

"Yes, my Ishbel, my most valued _Malakh_, I have known. Still I must ask you, what have you done?"

The angel humbled herself before her Creator.

"I doubted you, _El-Roi_. I listened to the Deceiver and allowed him to lead me astray."

She paused, searching her heart.

"I have forsaken you," she admitted. "I forgot my purpose and served the enemy as a result. Forgive me, _Eloyim_. Please have mercy."

The Creator was pleased.

"Fear not, dear one. As I am, so it shall be. You were made to be my instrument. My plans are not undone. For I have a purpose even in the falling of my stars."

The angel considered his words.

"Will I be cast down, as Lucifer and his agents?" she asked in abject fear.

"No, my Ishbel. You are the first and only of the fallen to seek redemption. For this reason, I shall set you apart until the time comes for you to accomplish all I have set out for you."

"How will I know when it is time?"

"You will know."

"What will you have me do, _El-Adonai_?"

"The one who deceived you has already begun to spread his lies and his suffering throughout the earth. He has offered mankind a false immortality. Even now, a new race of evil-doers is being born to bring suffering on my children."

Ishbel's heart broke to hear the Lord's words. Her guilt and shame multiplied with the thought that she may have had some part in what Lucifer was unleashing on her Adonai's most precious creations.

"Do not despair, Ishbel. For there is hope yet. Among this new race, one will rise up and choose a different path. His heart will be pure and his compassion will be near to my own. He will be a rare creature, fighting his nature and believing where others will forsake me. He will teach his ways to his children and they will seek to make him proud. From those children will come another, another with the power to set all things right. He will not realize. He will believe he is lost. He will despair. But his heart will secretly seek righteousness and redemption.

"It is for his sake that I set you apart. Through you, my Ishbel, he and the rest of his family will be reconciled to me."

The angel was astounded.

"I do not understand, _El-Adonai_. I have sinned against you. I am unworthy."

"You are my chosen vessel," He commanded, leaving no room for doubt. "You do not have to understand, precious one. You only have to believe."

"As you are, so it shall be," Ishbel vowed.

She submitted herself to her Creator's will and with one final message of encouragement from Him, she fell into darkness.

"Be strong and love others as I have loved you. When you feel forsaken, listen for my voice. I will be there."

The words echoed in her heart, even as all else fell away.

~(~)~

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><p><strong><em>Some vocabulary that might be helpful: <em>**

_El-Roi: The God who Sees_

_Malakh: Angel_

_El-Eloyim: The God Most High_

_El-Adonai: Father God, or God the Father_

_Ishbel: an older Hebrew variant of Isabella._

**_(_****_I apologize if they are not the exact right translations, or proper uses of the words. For now, let's just go with it.) _**

_**Thank you for reading, and if you feel like it, a review would be lovely. **  
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	2. MIRACLE

**A/N:** From this point out, the rest of the story will be told in first person, and will alternate POVs between Bella and Edward. (One POV per chapter.)

**_Disclaimer:_ _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._**

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><p><strong>Chapter 1:<strong>

** MIRACLE**

**_EPOV-_**

A different house, a different town, a different car. All of it's the same. The same rules, the same story, the same games. The details change from decade to decade, but nothing else does. Especially my family. We never change. Our existence is fixed. Frozen. And in my case, desolate.

I take refuge from the emptiness that often fills my nights in the forest, a living, breathing organism, actually capable of transforming and changing over time. Unlike me. I find it comforting somehow as I run through the woods, memorizing the rise and fall of the terrain. It's not as if I could actually get lost. Even if I hadn't been in this area before, I would know my way instinctually. But for now, for tonight, the territory is brand new to me and I revel in the undiscovered.

My feet cease moving when I find myself standing in a near circular meadow. It's beautiful, serene, and even in the darkness of night, the flora that thrives here tells me that this place sees more sun than the rest of the surrounding woods. There are no human trails within miles and I smile at the thought of such an isolated oasis. There had been many sunny days in years past when I'd been required by my very nature to hide out; often times in a relatively small house with three perfectly paired couples.

How many of those days had I spent wishing I had some secret place of my own to go to? A place where I could feel the simple pleasure of the sun on my face?

Sitting down in the tall grass, I take in the scents and sounds all around me. I like the feeling of being alone with my own thoughts. It's a rare treat to have only my own voice in my head. In the quiet, I ponder the anomaly of this meadow. It is utterly singular. I've seen none quite so perfect in all my years on the earth, and I hope to become more familiar with it in the sunlight. Imagining the meadow in the sun for a moment, I close my eyes and lie down. It's blessedly peaceful.

For all of ten minutes.

_Edward... _

It's my sister's mental voice and perhaps the one I'm most in tune with next to my father's. I can tell from the feeling of my name in her mind that she construes her errand as urgent. Something's happened at home.

"I can hear you, Alice," I say when she'd close enough to hear.

_ I know you don't want to be disturbed, Edward, but Carlisle's home from his first shift at the new hospital and he wants to talk to you. I've also seen something, but it's not an emergency. Just try to get home before Carlisle has to go back to work tomorrow._

I scan through her thoughts as quickly as I can, seeking the general gist of Alice's vision. She's blocking me, but I can tell that it's not urgent as she says. I find nothing else out of the ordinary in my sister's mind so I decide to stay where I am a bit longer.

"I'll be back by morning," I tell her.

She acknowledges my words mentally and turns back to go home. Her mind is immediately refocused. _Jasper._

My sister is still within my range as she runs to rejoin her mate and I try to distract myself. I don't begrudge them the sometimes blinding happiness they have in each other, but it's not always easy to witness. At least not when I've begun to believe that I'll never have that for myself. Not when the absolute contentment my parents and siblings get from being with their other halves, serves to remind me of how alone and discontent I am.

Opening my eyes, the meadow is suddenly a very lonely place. I look around and see emptiness and imperfection where moments ago there had been beauty. I sigh and look to the heavens as I stretch out in the grass. Will it always be this way for me?

I start wishing in vain that it won't be. I hope. I p... No. No, I don't pray. But I want.

I want to see beauty and feel happiness, not see imperfection and feel despair. I want to be at peace and live a grateful existence, not rue the day I was born, or reborn as the case may be. I want to be good, not evil. I want a soul, not an empty immortality.

And I feel so empty. So alone. I close my eyes and stay still. I _am_ alone. There is no noise save the sounds of insects and small animals that have not registered my presence. It takes me a millisecond to realize that it's too silent. The wind has ceased. There is always some kind of movement in the air, but the air around me feels like a void, so I open my eyes in alarm and am crouched on the balls of my feet just as quickly.

My senses are never inaccurate but I am still shocked to see the trees are utterly still. The grass too. I inhale and I smell almost nothing, only my own scent and that of the ground right beneath my feet. It is unsettling and for the first time in almost a century I grow somewhat frightened.

My eyes and ears are working overtime to make up for the stillness, so I do not miss it when the clouds above me part swiftly and the air begins to move again. The sky clears almost instantly and suddenly I am standing beneath a sky like no other I've witnessed before. The blackness of space is deep and vast, but the stars are more numerous and burn brighter than I've ever seen.

After I am convinced that all is as it should be, I slowly lower myself to the ground. I stay on my knees, sitting back on my heels with my eyes turned upward to the stars. They would be breathtaking, were my breaths necessary. I close my eyes for a moment, grateful that beauty has returned to my miserable existence and my eternal night. I find myself whispering "thank you", though there is no one to hear.

Before I know it, the clouds have begun to gather and the sun is rising. A small glimpse of sunlight peeks into the meadow like a promise of things to come. It's eclipsed by the growing cloud cover, but I decide to return to this place again soon. For now I have to get back to my family.

I run through the expanse of green, pushing myself as fast as I can go. I enjoy the sense freedom that running brings with it so I take a longer route home just for the thrill of it. Soon enough, the large white house comes into view and I leap over the winding Calawah river, landing on the lawn without making a sound.

My family's thoughts are easy to decipher and I waste no time finding Alice. She's expecting me and meets me halfway with a wide smile. It's her usual greeting for me. She is eternally cheerful and actually appreciates that I can read her thoughts. Perhaps because my "gift" allows me to share the burden of her "gift". Even among freaks, we're freaks. But we have each other.

Jasper is not far behind his wife and smirks a "hello" at me mentally. I quirk a brow and he laughs, slinging an arm around my shoulder.

"What?" he says out loud. _Can't a guy be happy to see his little brother? _

I shrug, because I'm still getting used to Jasper, even after five decades together. He is as mercurial as they come. I'm aware, as we all are, that it's because of his own unique abilities. As much as I sometimes loathe being able to read minds, I am grateful that I am not an empath like Jasper. To feel the emotions of everyone around me, human and vampire alike? No thanks.

"Carlisle's waiting for us," Alice says.

I don't answer as we move to the stairs.

"You took longer getting back than I thought you would. Did something happen?" Alice asks on the way up.

"Wouldn't you have seen it if it had?" I reply, goading her.

She frowns. "You know it doesn't work like that. I'm not God."

I snort and Jasper looks at me curiously. I simply smile and shrug.

"Edward," Carlisle greets me when we enter his study. "Alice, Jasper, thank you for joining us."

"Hi, Dad. What's up?" I ask. He smiles amusedly at my casual language and shakes his head.

"Not much, son. I had an interesting first day at Forks Hospital. Were you aware they have an on-site long-term care wing? Most hospitals don't provide long-term care, they use off site facilities for that kind of work."

"I did know that, as a matter of fact. It was in the brochure."

This is a joke. We all know I helped Carlisle and Esme do all the reconnaissance work on Forks and the surrounding area before we moved here.

Carlisle smiles and mentally asks me to sit with him even as he continues talking. "Yes, well, ten of the twelve beds are filled at the moment. One of them is a young girl, no older than we're claiming you to be."

I see the patient he's thinking of in his mind. She is thin and pale, with dark brown hair and light purple shadows under her eyes. They're closed so I can't see the color of them, but in Carlisle's memory the girl is utterly still except for her breathing. Were it not for that, I would have thought her dead, or one of us.

I meet his eyes, the question clear on my face.

"Her name is Isabella Swan. Well, Bella. Her father prefers Bella."

Another image, this time of a man at the girl's bedside. He takes her hand and holds it in his own as he talks to Carlisle about her history.

"Cliff-diving?" I ask, immediately appalled that anyone had let a child do something so reckless.

Carlisle smiles sadly. "That would be the Police Chief, Charles Swan. Charlie's a life-long resident of Forks. He was married once, but apparently the cold and the rain got to his ex-wife and they divorced years ago. She relocated to Arizona with their only daughter."

"Bella."

"Yes. Bella's mother remarried two years ago and wanted to have her wedding in Hawaii. Bella went with them to witness the nuptials and was then meant to fly here to Washington to stay with her father while the newlyweds stayed on for their honeymoon. Charlie got a phone call the night before his daughter was to arrive telling him that she'd been injured and airlifted to a hospital in Honolulu."

Alice moves close to me and puts a hand on my shoulder, though I don't know why. I glance at her.

_You looked upset, _she explains.

I shrug and look back a Carlisle. "What happened to her?"

He sighs. "Apparently, cliff-diving is a popular activity for tourists in Kauai. Bella's mother insisted that they try it together before Bella left to go home. She slipped on the wet rocks and hit her head before falling to the water below. Her step-father immediately jumped in after her, but between the head trauma and the subsequent lack of oxygen, she sustained significant brain damage. There has been no evidence of higher brain function since the accident. When they removed the ventilator a few weeks after she fell, they fully expected her to expire. Against all odds however, she retained autonomic function and began breathing on her own."

"Which left her in a permanent coma."

He nodded. "Yes. The doctors in Hawaii deemed her to be a persistent vegetative state, and nearly two years later Bella remains almost completely unconscious. Her body responds to little, if any stimulus."

"But you want me to see if I get anything from her anyway?" I ask, having seen it in his thoughts.

"Yes, I would like that." He looks to the ground and sighs. I can see this girl has affected him and I have to admit that I'm intrigued by his interest in her. Then I see Charlie Swan again in my father's mind followed by my own human mother.

I'm standing before I have a chance to think about it.

"No, Carlisle. No! You swore after Emmett that it was the last time."

Carlisle meets my eyes, startled by my outburst. "Her father is a good man and he asked me to do all in my power. I won't do what I did for you –to you – but I will do all I am able. You could potentially help me, son. Maybe even help her. But we won't know unless we try."

I nod and let out a breath, relieved that I've jumped to the wrong conclusion. "Alright, but..." I shake my head, "...you hold no hope that this girl can be rehabilitated. I don't understand what you're expecting me to do."

"There's something about Bella that resonates with me, Edward. I can't explain it and I don't necessarily understand it, but I need to know if there is something we can do for her where others have failed."

Carlisle's words come out raw and I suddenly realize why this child has gotten to him. Not only did Bella Swan's father beseech him to help her as my mother did with me, but that this girl actually fell from a cliff just like Esme.

And I see my father then, really see him as the compassionate being he is. And I know he cannot possibly turn his back on Isabella Swan without feeling like he's somehow turning his back on his own family.

And so I agree. I agree wholeheartedly to do everything in my power to help him and thereby help this girl.

"I'll go with you," I pledge.

Carlisle smiles, and it makes me glad, but the image falls away and I am unexpectedly pulled inside Alice's mind as a vision overtakes her.

Instantaneously, we both gasp and all we can see is blood.

Bella's blood.

I stagger back, my mouth flooding with venom and the feel of it trickling down my throat only adds to the horror. I feel Jasper trying to calm me and Carlisle's voice is etched with worry as he watches the emotions play across my face.

"What is it? What's wrong? Edward? Alice?"

Jasper quickly becomes focused on Alice, who is almost as affected by her vision as I am. She's shaking, I am sure of it, but no more so than I.

Carlisle tries to soothe me but I pull back from him. Immediately, I'm huddled against the wall with my knees drawn to my chest while my father's books fall down around me. I've killed over a dozen human beings in my second life, but none of those murders were as horrendous as the one I've just witnessed in my sister's mind.

I try to make sense of it, but I can't. Not only was I apparently going to rip an innocent girl's throat out and drain her dry, but I was going to do it in front of her father... and mine. There was a nurse there as well; another life that would have to end because of me. Would Chief Swan have to die too? The thought alone makes me want to scream, but I don't. I withdraw inward and begin to hate myself more than I ever have.

I've always been the weakest of my family, but this? Slaughtering an innocent girl in a coma? A girl whose wellbeing meant the world to my father? Why would I do such a thing?

There are no words to describe the kind of monster that does that.

"Son, please..."

"No," I whisper, trying to shut it all down. The vision of Bella's blood, the thoughts of my family, my own urge to get up and run –run as far away from Forks, Washington as possible. Then Jasper tries to force a sense of calm me and I growl at him. I want to feel terrible. I should feel terrible.

Soon enough, Alice seems to have snapped back to reality and tries to reach out to me. "Edward, nothing has happened yet. Nothing is going to happen. You didn't do anything wrong," she says.

I shake my head.

"Please, Alice. Tell me what's going on?" Carlisle pleads from his place at my side.

"Bella," she says simply. "Edward attacked her. He..." She stops and takes an unnecessary breath. "In my vision, he killed her."

I whimper and hide my face. The sight of the girl's small body twisted and torn in Alice's mind makes my stomach roll.

"Why?" Jasper asks quietly. "What triggered him?"

Alice kneels down and runs a hand through my hair. "I don't know. He walked into her hospital room with Carlisle and they both shook Chief Swan's hand. Then the next second Edward was lunging at Bella and Carlisle couldn't stop him. Bella's father and nurse didn't even see Edward move before her blood was-"

I moan at the memory, my throat flaring slightly. Alice stops talking.

"Sorry," she says mournfully.

"I can't go near her," I rasp. "I won't."

"Of course you won't," Carlisle says. "We trust you to control yourself. It seems obvious from what Alice said that you acted spontaneously. I wonder..." Carlisle trails off.

He is contemplative and I see flashes of Emmett and some woman he killed years and years ago, but Carlisle's trying very hard to keep me out.

"What is that? What are you thinking?" I ask, looking up to meet his eyes. His expression is torn and he's debating what to reveal.

"Just tell me, Carlisle. Please."

He sighs.

"Alice, you say Edward showed no sign of being triggered. Can you by any chance tell if he took a breath right before he lunged at Bella?"

Alice thinks for a moment and tries to look at every detail, hoping to find the thing that set me off. She shakes her head even as I cringe away from having to see the images in her head once again.

"It's not clear," Alice says quietly.

"Well," Carlisle begins again, thoughtful. "It's unusual, very rare in fact, but sometimes a human's blood is more attractive to one vampire than it is to the rest of us. The Italians would say that the blood calls to you, or that it sings to you. They call it, _'La tua cantante'_. It's considered to be impossible to resist, even for the oldest and most controlled of our kind. It's possible that Bella's blood appealed to you in that way."

I take in this information as Carlisle remembers Aro himself explaining the phenomenon to him nearly three hundred years ago.

"Why have you never told us about this?" I ask.

"When I say it is rare, I mean it. The Volturi have only heard of it happening a few dozen times in all their centuries on the earth. I was naïve to think it would never happen to one of us, but it never occurred to me that it would happen to two of my sons."

I am shocked by his words as Emmett's face pops into his head again. He looks at me and wills me to be careful with my words; Emmett is not far away and can hear what we're talking about. I have so many questions, but I settle on a fairly neutral one.

"Did you not think that we should be aware such a temptation existed?"

Carlisle shakes his head slightly. "Like I said, I was naïve, and foolish. And with Emmett, he was so ashamed. He didn't want you to know and he was worried that if we were too easy on him that it would make it all the more easy to justify slipping again."

"How were you able to hide this from me? How was Emmett able to?"

Carlisle smiles a bit at my exasperated expression. "You were away hunting with your mother, I never saw the need to let you know what exactly happened, just that Emmett had had an indiscretion and we had to move right away. And Emmett didn't have to try very hard to hide anything from you. His grief was genuinely consuming and he knew you would understand if he didn't want to think much about the attack."

I sigh and remember the event Carlisle is talking about. His description is accurate but I am shocked that I never noticed that they were keeping anything from me. I suppose my irritation at having to move again and my compassion for my brother kept me from thinking too heavily on it.

"I guess I understand why you did it that way, but I'm sorry, I cannot go anywhere near Bella Swan."

"I wouldn't expect you to. Not now. The good news is that we know this is an issue for you and can take the necessary precautions. I will be sure to take extra steps not to bring her scent home with me so that you won't be tempted."

_Wait... _I hear from Alice's mind. She puts a hand up and I can see her searching the future with her talent. The visions are impartial and moving too fast for me to follow. _That might work... maybe.. yes... yes, that will work._

Alice smiles at me and I see myself in her mind. I'm clutching onto some kind of clothing and I inhale deeply. Both of my brothers are restraining me, but after only a brief attempt at escape, I relax and inhale again.

"Alice? Why would I-"

"Desensitization. Just like we've done with Jasper all these years. I don't particularly care to steal from the homes of our neighbors, but having their scents around the house always helps him when we've been away from human society for any amount of time. I was just thinking that I'd need to make a run around town to borrow a few things from the students of Forks High School before we start classes next week."

I blink and look at my brother who is both embarrassed and willing to admit it's the truth. _It does make it easier, _he thinks_. And we always return what we take. _

Carlisle regards Jasper and I, frowning. "I'm sorry, but if you're all thinking what I think you're thinking, then I disagree. You shouldn't even attempt it, Edward. It's too risky. You have no idea the temptation her blood will pose for you if Bella is indeed your singer. I cannot agree to place her, and by extension yourself, in harm's way like that."

"No, you're right," I agree. "I just don't want there to be any accidents."

Carlisle shakes his head. "It's not as if the girl is going to show up at your school or around town. You avoid the hospital and I'll take precautions when I travel back and forth."

Alice sighs and scans the future. "I think that will work too. I think... I'm not sure. There is still a possibility of him killing her." I shudder at the flashes coming from Alice.

"God, Alice... please stop. I'm begging you."

"I'm sorry, Edward, but you need to know that avoiding the situation isn't foolproof. And I really like Bella, or at least I would have, so I'll be very put out if you hurt her."

"Alice, honey, she's in a coma. How can you possibly _like _her?" Jasper whispers, slightly taken aback by her comments.

"I just do," she shrugs. "I have a feeling we'd be good friends if she wasn't brain dead."

Her innocent and heartfelt statement gains a few laughs, and even I have a hard time fighting a smile.

"Alright then..." I nod again and take a deep breath. I take in my sister's thoughts and my father's. The only thing I know is that I'm afraid of what will happen when I smell this girl's scent. Even if she weren't what the Italians called a singer, her blood must be incredibly intoxicating for me to have risked tearing her throat out in front of witnesses. I sigh and make an agonizing decision.

"Carlisle, I think we should try and see how her blood affects me. I want to know and if it's really that bad then I'll have to work on learning to control it."

Understandably, he looks uncertain. "Talk to your brother about this before you make any firm decisions, please. Emmett should be able to offer you some perspective and even advice."

I nod. "Yes, sir."

Jasper offers me a hand to stand up, I don't need it but I take it. "I'll help you, too," he says. "We won't let you do anything you'll regret."

"Thanks."

"And please, for my sake..." he continues. "Try not to beat yourself up over this. It happens. Or in this case, doesn't happen." There is a slight smile playing on Jasper's lips. He's being sincere though and tries to remove most of my remaining guilt and shame. I thank him again as Alice hops to my side and hugs me.

"Everything will be okay," she says cheerfully.

"If you say so, Alice."

"I do," she smiles. She and Jasper makes their excuses and leave me alone with Carlisle.

"Alice, hold up."

She stops but does not turn. She knows what I'm going to ask.

"What was it you saw? When you came to get me in the forest, what was it you wanted to tell me about if it wasn't the situation with Bella?"

Alice shakes her head. "It doesn't matter now. It's not important."

I narrow my eyes in a concentrated effort to break through her defenses. _It was nothing. Just a glimpse, but it's gone now. _

I nod, accepting her explanation, and turn to pick up the books I knocked down from my father's shelves as a distraction. Within moments, Carlisle is at my side and he stops me.

"Edward..." he says, worried about me. _I'm sorry, son. I never meant for this life to be such a burden on you. And now this thing with Bella..._

"I know, Dad. It's okay."

"I'm sorry that you-" He's thinking of the way I panicked when I thought he meant to change Bella Swan into one of us and that makes him worry that my anger was because I regret him changing me.

"I don't," I stop him. "I've never regretted you making me your son. I only regret my own difficulty with this existence."

Carlisle becomes stoic, but I know my words were what he needed to hear. He struggles with what to say so we pick up the books in silence. We both know I've had enough to deal with for one day so he eventually parts with me, leaving me to my own devices. I retreat to my usual source of solace and comfort and am seated at my piano within moments. Schubert fills the air most of the day and then it's Chopin and Debussy into the night. Eventually it's time to put everything that's happened in the last twelve hours behind me and get dressed for another first day at yet another new school.

~(~)~

A month's worth of days and nights pass in a blink. The students of Forks High School have begun to accept the Cullen children by simply ignoring the otherness they sense from us. Some of them have already begun to substitute their fear and intrigue with dislike and disinterest. A few more stubborn individuals refuse to let go of their fascination with the new kids, but despite petty annoyances, there have been no real concerns and Forks seems to be working out well for our family.

There has been little mention of Isabella Swan at home since the night Alice foresaw me killing her. I am thankful, but grow anxious each time Carlisle returns from the hospital. He thinks of her on the days he's examined her, but tries not to let me know. This chilly September night is no different. But instead of the usual fleeting image of her in his head, I see a glimpse of his hand over her chest and a single word in his mind.

_Pneumonia. _

The composition I've been working on comes to a discordant halt and I spin around on the bench.

"Pneumonia?" I ask. It comes out almost like an accusation.

Carlisle stops on the stairs and turns. His eyes are weary, if that's possible. "It's common in cases like Bella's," he says. "We caught it early."

"You mean _you_ caught it early."

Carlisle smiles halfway. "Yes. My acute senses and peculiar interest in her paid off today. It hit her fast."

I blink, unsure of how I feel about that. Bella's case continues to remind my father more and more of the end of my human life. I shudder to think of where his attachment to her will take us. The girl wasn't even fourteen when she had her accident. Her body may have continued to age in the last two years, but even if her mind was intact, she would be far too young to be changed.

"Carlisle..."

"She's too young," he stops me. "I know. I just can't help but think of both you and Esme when I see her. I've had cases before that were similar, so I don't know why this one is so difficult for me. I just cannot comprehend losing Bella Swan now."

"But you said you caught the infection early," I say, surprised at the finality of his thoughts.

Carlisle sighs and I stop short at what he reveals. "If she gets worse the only option would be to intubate her. Unfortunately, her parents signed a DNR* long ago, so I can't do that. I can't do anything but offer her antibiotics and palliative care."

"But..."

"Edward," he sighs. "She's in a coma. She has no cognitive brain function, no hope of improving, and her care costs her father –and this community I might add- $20,000 a month. Most families in similar situations would sign a DNR. Nobody wants her to die, but the truth is, she will die eventually. There's no use prolonging her suffering."

I nod and my father takes his leave and climbs the stairs to his room. Esme has come down to greet him and smiles sadly as she takes his hand. She too has grown attached to the idea of Carlisle's young patient and has dared to hope and pray for a miracle. The news of Bella's decline makes her sad and I'm surprised to find I feel the same.

Alice and Jasper join me in the living room once our parents are in their room.

"Can you see what will happen to her, Alice?"

"No."

I sigh and pinch the bridge of my nose. "What if I try to help Carlisle?"

Alice shakes her head. "I don't see that happening right now, Edward. We're just going to have to wait and see if she gets worse."

"I'm going for a run."

"Do you want us to come with you?" Jasper asks, worried about where I will go. The hospital enters his thoughts.

I shake my head. "No. On both counts. I'm fine. I just need to be alone."

The meadow is greener than it was a month ago, but the late summer blooms are all gone. This is the first time I've been here at night since the night I found this place. I've come here often enough in the day, including the one and only sunny day we've had since moving to the Olympic Peninsula. It truly is a beautiful spot and I am glad it's mine and mine alone. So far I've managed to keep my little oasis a secret and I'm glad; I can't imagine wanting to share it with anyone.

Unfortunately, secret or not, it's raining here tonight and it feels dreary. I find it ironic that it matches my mood. I sit and the wind picks up, moving around me and caressing my stone-like form. I get soaked to the skin, but lean back in the grass and latch on to the memory of the sun. Closing my eyes, I try to imagine the feel of it my face. The sound of the rain makes it an almost impossible task, but I try.

I ponder what brought me here tonight and take an unnecessary breath before opening my eyes again. Gazing upward at the clouds, I silently wish they would desist so I could see the stars again tonight.

I'm surprised when, within minutes, the rain stops and the wind dies down. The clouds begin to thin and, before I can calculate the probability of it happening just as I'd wished, I'm sitting beneath a starry sky once again. It's an eerie feeling and I shake my head in incredulity.

"I could almost believe someone's up there tonight," I say in awe.

I grow a little unsettled when the wind picks up again just then. It calms quickly and I find myself looking around and then reaching out with both my mental hearing and my physical hearing to see if I can determine the cause. Eventually, I look back to the sky and watch the stars for a long time until I can't hold my thoughts inside anymore.

"I'm not a believer," I say suddenly. "I have no reason to think you'd want me even if I did believe. But, if you're up there..." I pause and seek inward for what I want to say. It doesn't take me long to decide it would be pointless to even bother. There is no one out there.

The meadow grows silent then and I recognize immediately that it's the same kind of absolute stillness that I experienced here once before. I want to determine what's causing the unearthly phenomenon, but suddenly my mind is drawn to a source of light.

A star streaks brightly across the sky and plummets towards the earth. I think idly that it technically wasn't a star, but just a common meteorite. Still, I smile and joke into the silent sky.

"Should I make a wish?" I ask. I'm only teasing, but then inexplicably, the wind picks up again and I find myself considering it.

I'm perhaps a bit too cynical to believe that if there were some almighty being in heaven that he would take pity on my damned soul and grant my wish for redemption. But perhaps a smaller, more selfless request would be more reasonable. I hesitate for a moment longer feeling foolish, but somehow determined. The words pour out of my mouth as some kind of strange hope begins to grow in my heart.

"If you're up there..." I begin tentatively. "I would like to ask a favor. Well, honestly if you're up there then you know that I'd like to ask you for a second chance for myself and my family as well, but..." I shake my head and look back to the sky. "My father has a patient that no one on earth can cure right now. She's just a child. So if you're out there, and if you're granting wishes, then I wish for Bella Swan to be healed."

There is no answer to my juvenile and fanciful plea. I ponder the stars until they are blocked from my vision by more clouds. I'm feeling in a strange mood tonight, so I whisper my gratitude as I leave the meadow and head for home. Again, I take a long, round-about route to get there and so I'm slightly surprised to hear Alice's thoughts and voice screaming to me far from home or the meadow.

"Edward! Edward Anthony Cullen!"

"Alice!" I ask, running fast now towards the sound of her frantic voice.

"Oh my God, Edward! I found you!" she screams and then I see her bursting through the trees. I'm taken aback by the fact she is smiling.

"Oh, Edward! You won't believe it!"

"What? What's going on?"

"It's Bella!"

I stop in my tracks, but Alice jumps on me and throws us both to the ground. She's hugging me so hard, it almost hurts.

"Alice..." I croak.

"Oh my gosh, Edward! She's going to be okay! Bella's going to wake up!"

"What?" I gasp in shock.

Alice laughs and sits up as I push her off of me. "The hospital is going to call Charlie Swan and tell him a little after midnight," she smiles.

"Alice, that's impossible."

"Not impossible. Improbable. Yes. A miracle? Probably. But definitely not impossible. She is going to wake up!"

"I... Alice..." I struggle to find words, or to make sense of the possibility that my wish had been heard.

No... not just heard, but granted.

Is it even possible? It's too much to believe.

"She's brain dead," I say flatly. "She can't wake up."

Alice lets out an exasperated noise and grabs my face. "Edward! Look! Just look and see!"

I go still as Alice lets me into her thoughts and shows me the future she's seen.

I can see Bella in her hospital bed. She's wearing the pajamas that Alice bought for her and had delivered to the hospital anonymously. They're black with little white stars and moons on them and I gasp again at the happenstance of it all. A nurse comes in to check on Bella as the clock on the wall ticks just past midnight. She takes Bella's vital signs and pats her hand when she's done. _"Happy Birthday, Bella,"_ she whispers and the sound causes Bella's eyelids to flutter. I stop and make eye contact with Alice.

"I didn't know it was her birthday."

"I didn't either. Now watch," Alice commands.

The nurse stops, seeming to have noticed the fluttering of Bella's eyelids. She waits and watches Bella for a moment then speaks again, this time more urgently and with more volume.

_"Can you hear me, honey?" _

Unbelievably, Bella's eyelids flutter again and she moans softly. The nurse gasps and calls Bella's name again, more forcefully.

_"Bella?"_

Then, as if she were only waking from a peaceful night's sleep, Isabella Swan blinks and opens her big brown eyes.

~(~)~

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><p><em>End Note:<em>

_I'm going to try and keep the notes to a minimum in this story, but this first chapter has an outtake. It's the only one so far, and is just a short explanation of the vision Alice had in the beginning of the chapter, so I'm going to post it here for now. It's not at all important to the future of the story, but rather a small exploration of Edward's life & situation. Enjoy... :)_

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OUTTAKE- Alice's Vision:

"Wait, Alice... last night you said you'd seen something, but it wasn't this thing with Bella was it? What did you see?"

Her eyes light up, as if she's genuinely forgotten and I know that in Alice's case, she probably has. She's become so used to seeing things that they don't always come to pass or stay with her.

"Oh, yeah. It's Kate. She's decided to leave Denali for a while and go off on her own. She'll be stopping through in a couple of days. I thought you might want to know."

I smile and would laugh if I still weren't a bit shaken from the whole thing with Bella Swan. Alice just winks at me and takes off with Jasper. I turn to pick up the books I knocked down from Carlisle's shelves, but he stops me.

"Edward..." he says, still worried for me. _I'm sorry, son. I never meant for this life to be such a burden on you. And now this..._

"I know, Dad. It's okay."

"I'm sorry that you-"

"I don't," I stop him. "I've never regretted being your son. I only regret my own difficulty with this existence."

Carlisle becomes stoic, but I know my words were what he needed to hear. He struggles with what to say so we pick up the books in silence. Eventually, his thoughts drift to Alice's announcement.

_So, Kate... _he thinks.

I fight a smile. "Yeah..."

The corners of his own mouth rise. _She's quite a woman. _

"Mm-hmm."

_Are you two really as close as you would have us believe?_

I clear my throat, though it is unnecessary. I want to say something cheeky, but I owe my father more respect than that and Emmett's too close not to hear. "She's been very good to me. I care for her."

"That's not an answer, son." He sighs and waits for me to look at him. _I just want to know what we should expect when she arrives. I'm afraid your mother is still somewhat unsettled by the idea of you two together in that way_.

I almost choke when Carlisle's thoughts become more visual than usual. "It's not like that," I say quickly.

A relieved sound escapes him. _Esme will be comforted to hear it. She thought it was a ruse to fool Tanya until, well, you know..._

I sigh and shift uncomfortably. I want to tell him the truth about our last night in Denali, but I really wish don't wish to broach the subject again with my brother's in the house. I've endured enough teasing to last a century. After a moment, I grab a piece of paper from the printer located in the corner of his office and then a pen. I scribble a note and push it towards him on the desk.

_You were right. It was a ruse. Kate gave me a back and shoulder massage. We were never more intimate than that. _

Carlisle looked up in surprise. _A massage? _he thinks. I sigh and nod my head in confirmation. I continue writing.

_She and I both knew Tanya didn't believe that we were together and Alice foresaw Tanya continuing her advances, so I agreed to a massage. Kate knew I'd never been touched like that and she knew how it would sound. She promised not to hurt me, or be inappropriate. I can assure you she kept her word on both accounts. She was really very funny about the whole thing and we had fun. The control she has over her gift is quite remarkable. _

Carlisle frowns. _She used her shield on you? _

I smile and go back to the paper.

_It didn't hurt. In fact, quite the opposite._

Carlisle's eyebrows meet his hairline. _Not inappropriate, you say?_ I roll my eyes and frown at him.

_It was enjoyable, but that's all. She wanted to help and I do care for her. It's not the kind of interest most males have in females, but I do enjoy her company. But I'm far more comfortable holding her hand or having her arm draped around my waist than I am just being in the same room with Tanya or Irina. _

Carlisle starts chuckling and thinks something that surprises me for once. _Me too, son. Me too. _He sighs and pats my shoulder, growing more serious. _I must warn you though... Kate is still a woman and you would be wise not to trifle with her feelings. If she's coming to visit you, perhaps this means more to her than you realize. _

I nod and go back to the paper.

_We agreed that it would be best if she made it seem like she couldn't wait more than a few weeks to see me. She's been thinking of going out on her own for a little while now. She wants to try and find a mate. She asked me to come with her, but not so we could be together. She just knows that I'm the odd man out here. _

Carlisle is surprised by the words on the page. "You're not going to go with her, are you?"

I chuckle and drop the cloak and dagger routine. Emmett is mercifully distracted by Rosalie. "No, of course I'm not going. I don't think that would bode well for her finding her mate."

"Quite right," Carlisle agrees. "I'm surprised she asked you at all if that's truly her motivation."

I smile. "It is. She's just very sympathetic to my situation. And she didn't want to be rude. She also thought it would be less disappointing to have someone with her in case she fails to find what she's looking for."

"I think you deserve better than to be her consolation prize, don't you?"

I laugh. "I don't think she meant it that way. But, yes."

"Edward," Carlisle begins and then pauses. "I don't want you to compare yourself too much with the sisters. Don't despair that they've lived so long on the earth without finding their mates. It doesn't mean that you will be the same. I think Kate is the first to bother to look for a permanent companion."

"She is," I confirm. Kate and I spent a lot of time talking about such things while we were pretending to fall in love.

"Your time will come."

"I hope so. But it's not the end of the world either way. I'm quite content." It's a lie and we both know it, but Carlisle is willing to let me be.


	3. LOST

**_*_**_**As you're about to hear Bella for the first time, I want to remind you –or perhaps clarify– that she'd been in a coma for just over 2 years prior to waking on her sixteenth birthday. This chapter picks up approximately 3 months later.  
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_****_**Thank you to both u2Shay & Linguist for their pre-reading & beta services. I appreciate you ladies more than you know**__. _  
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><p><em><strong>Disclaimer:<strong>_** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended**.

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><p><strong>Chapter 2:<strong>

**LOST**

**_BPOV–_**

Waking up is the most stressful part of my day. I open my eyes each morning and every single time I'm brought right back to the moment my life began. As far as I'm concerned, that happened right here in this room just about three months ago.

I have no memory of a life before opening my eyes. All I know is what's happened after.

My doctor says that I defy modern medicine. He and all of the staff here consider me a miracle. So do my parents. I question this regularly. If I was a miracle, I wouldn't be broken. And I am broken. There is something intrinsically wrong with me. My doctors, therapists and case workers insist that I am fine, but they can't be right.

They can't be right when I can't even remember my own name. Bella. Isabella Marie Swan. The title holds no familiarity at all. I know it is the name assigned to me simply because I was informed that was the case on the day I woke up. But I personally remember nothing. Not a flash, not a flicker.

Not even when I met my parents. At the time, it felt like I was being introduced to strangers and told about a life that wasn't my own. I didn't know where I fit into the things they were telling me and despite their care and concern for me, I felt utterly lost and alone. I still do.

I look in the mirror and see a face that was a stranger to me. Sure, _now_ I recognize her, ninety-two days after I first saw my reflection— a girl with sunken brown eyes and dull brown hair. I recognize that she is me when I brush my teeth or wash my face, and I can see that the face in the mirror looks like the woman in the picture frame next to my bed. And I know, again because I was informed of the fact, that that woman is Renee Swan Dwyer. My mother. She resembles me and raised a child that looked exactly like me, but I feel no connection to either the mother or the child. Not even a little.

The day I met the woman in the frame, was the day that I broke her heart. Renee arrived ready and willing to throw her arms up in the air and praise God for bringing her daughter back to her, but I can't remember being her daughter. I can't remember that she's my mother. I've been told she is and I accept it. We do resemble each other, after all. But that's it.

She has told me she loves me and tells me it's okay if I don't love her back right away, but the truth of the matter is, Renee Dwyer is not willing to let go of the child she raised. But I am not that child. She stayed for as long as she could, and she even asked me to come with her when it was time for her to go back where she came from. But how could I leave the only home I've ever known to travel to a place called Florida with a woman I barely know and who wants me to be someone I'm not? So she left without me.

My father, on the other hand, never leaves. And strangely enough, I don't usually want him to. When I first woke up and was distraught, his deep voice brought me comfort. Dr. Cullen says it's probably because he spent at least an hour with me every day just talking to me while I was unconscious. I'm thankful for Charles Swan's faithfulness to the daughter he lost. I am also supremely thankful that he was willing to let her go and embrace the young woman that he gets to talk to now when he visits me every day. As time passes, there is a small sense of belonging that I feel when I look at him. It makes me feel a little less lost.

Charlie can't be here all the time though. He is the police chief in the tiny town where we live and has a life outside of these four walls. Supposedly I will, too, someday. But right now that thought is frightening.

I have some intrinsic knowledge about the world around me, but little experience to draw from. I'm able to identify simple things and simple concepts, but complex situations are confusing to me. For instance, I never know how to act around anyone or how I should relate to them. I have a difficult time showing the proper emotions or reactions to the world around me. It's frustrating to me and most everyone else in my life.

News of my miraculous recovery has made the rounds and every once in a while I get a card or a letter from someone who knew me in my former life. Most of them come from kids my age in Arizona. One or two come from Forks or nearby La Push. I'm not sure how I feel about these encounters—if you can call them that—but I have no real friends outside of my father, so I am glad for the well-wishes and the stories from wonderful friends that I might have had once.

Sometimes my mother writes and her notes are often the same. Stories of my old life and things she's hoping I'll remember. I want to hope, too, but with each picture or knick-knack she sends, I feel a little more adrift in the sea of my forgetfulness.

I tell Dr. Cullen this one day when he comes by to deliver a lunch his wife made for me. He listens to my thoughts and asks to see the letter and pictures my mother sent me. Unlike the therapists I see several times a week, he asks me no questions about them, he simply comments on things like how many more freckles I have on my face now than the eight year old in the picture did then. This makes me smile, and I am grateful for his presence.

He waits until I am finished eating before bringing up something he's been wishing to discuss. I am curious because he looks nervous and I can't imagine why. He's the adult, and a handsome doctor, no less. He finally tells me about his wife and how they couldn't have children of their own.

I wrinkle my brow until he mentions his youngest daughter. He says he thinks she is about my age, and ironically, she has no memories of her life before Dr. and Mrs. Cullen adopted her a few years ago. He wants to know if I'd like to meet her and, of course, I want to but I'm nervous. I think I was probably shy before my accident.

Dr. Cullen assures me that she wants to meet me, too, so on a normal rainy Tuesday in January, Alice Cullen comes to the hospital to meet me.

I have just finished two hours of physical therapy to help rebuild the muscles in my legs that had withered while I was in my coma. She shows up with Ben & Jerry's ice cream and a stack of books. I wonder if she'd been talking with my father because all of the titles were ones I'd requested from him just the week before. She brings them to me after a simple greeting and tells me they are a loan from her and her brother. I blush for some unknown reason and ask her to thank him for me.

"I'll tell him," she says happily. "He was a bit jealous that I was getting to meet the famous Bella Swan. You're somewhat of a celebrity at our house. Carlisle talks about you all the time."

Her words make my face heat even more and Alice laughs, her voice a soft soprano that reminds me of an angels' chorus. I don't know how I know this, but I'm 100% certain that's what it sounds like.

"Sorry," she says, "I didn't mean to embarrass you."

"It's okay. I just don't know how to deal with new situations and information very well sometimes."

"That's normal, I think," she says, folding herself gracefully onto the end of my bed. She passes me the now open pint of ice cream and a spoon. I accept it with what I hope is a grateful smile.

"Do you want to share it with me?" I ask. "We could..."

"Oh, no. Not today anyway."

My eyes go wide as I take a small bite. I feel strange about eating in front of her. She clears her throat and I look up at her shy smile. She is so beautiful, like a shorter haired version of the elven princess in that _Lord of the Rings_ movie that's on cable all the time. She seems like she could glow, or float, or maybe both.

As I take tiny bites of the delicious treat she bought me, she begins to tell me the story of her life, in so much as she can remember. Alice, like me, has total retrograde amnesia. But shockingly, she doesn't even know what happened to her to cause it. Instead of waking in a hospital like I did, she woke up completely alone in the middle of nowhere.

"You must have been so terrified," I whispered.

Alice smiles. "It was very disorienting and I was afraid at first."

"How did you ever get out of the woods?"

She hesitates for a moment and examines my face as though she were looking for something.

"Can I be honest with you?"

"Of course," I answer immediately.

"I don't normally tell people this because they wouldn't understand."

I nod. "Okay."

"Sometimes I just know things, Bella. I can't explain to you how it works, but there are times when I can sort of see my way out of a situation as it happening, or even before."

"Like you can tell the future sometimes?" I ask.

Alice nods and holds a finger to her lips to silence me. "Nobody can know though. Can you imagine what would happen to me if they did? They'd try to lock me up."

I smile. "You're probably right, but I won't say anything."

Alice grins. "I know you won't. I can tell things about you, too, you know."

I blush and look at my hands. "Like what?"

"Like we're going to be the best of friends," Alice answers assuredly. Then she hugs me and whispers in my ear. "And it won't always be this hard. I can see that for certain."

I take some small comfort in the words of my new friend.

Alice comes to see me every Tuesday after that. After another couple of weeks, she adds Fridays to the mix. Soon she's making a special stop just to check that I have enough reading material to keep me busy or to bring me clean clothes during the week.

She and her mother have taken over laundry duty from poor Charlie who ruined the first blouse Alice ever loaned me. Sometimes I grow suspicious that she's not actually letting me borrow from her wardrobe but she's really just buying me a wardrobe of my very own. I don't have any proof though, and she always knows just how to distract me to keep me off of her trail.

Of course, none of that really matters because I'm much happier since gaining Alice as a friend. Even my father has noticed the change, and he adores Alice for it. He says I seem more like the old Bella when Alice is around. I wonder if it's simply because we both have past traumatic brain injuries that resulted in us losing our memories. But something tells me it's more than that.

Alice understands me in a way nobody else does and as the weeks pass, I begin to see Charlie's point. I begin to think that my friend is a more effective therapist for me than the one assigned to my case by the hospital. Dr. Cullen is a genius for bringing us together and a few months after meeting Alice, I am sure to tell him so.

The next week he orders a round of tests to be completed to see just how far I've come since I woke up from my coma. They will also start evaluating whether or not I'm ready to go home. I panic a little, because I don't have a home outside of my hospital room, but Alice reassures me everything will be fine and I can't help but believe her.

~(~)~

"Dog."

"Good. And this one?"

"Um, food..."

"That's right. What kind of food?"

"Spaghetti."

"Very good, Bella. This one?"

"A phone."

"Is that all it is?"

"A cell phone," I clarify.

"Very good. Now, let's try some with people and relationships."

Sarah Beth, my occupational therapist, puts one pile of cards down and picks up another.

"What is this a picture of?"

I sigh and purse my lips. "A family," I say, bored already.

She smiles and looks at the card. "That's right, how about this one?"

"Friends."

"Try again. They look a little bit alike don't you think?"

I nod. "Yeah, they might be sisters."

"They are. Very good. This one?" She changes the card.

"A teacher."

"Right and the rest of the people in the picture?"

"Students."

"Very good."

The lesson continues in the same fashion for the prescribed hour while I show off all I've learned about how inference helps human beings understand relationships. At this point, I'm told it's almost impossible to tell I've ever had a traumatic brain injury, except for the retrograde amnesia. It's been six months, but I still can't recall a thing about my life before Forks.

Alice, Carlisle, and even Charlie, all promise me that I'll have a life outside of these four walls soon, but I'm still not sure I want that right now. Everything I know for certain is in this hospital. How am I supposed to survive out in the real world?

Last week my mother, Renee, came to visit me again. She came with photo albums and even a videotape from her wedding. The wedding that took place just days before I fell off of a waterfall and nearly died. Or maybe I did die. I was brain dead, after all.

It is still a mystery as to how my brain healed. Nothing in modern science can explain it. I've watched enough Discovery Health in the last few months to know that these things sometimes happen, but it's still a hurdle I can't overcome. Sometimes I look in the mirror and wonder why I am here. Or how I was healed. I do not understand, and I feel unworthy.

I look up from my lap as Sarah Beth packs up her things and makes some notes. "You're doing really well, Bella. I know you don't feel that way sometimes, but your recovery has been phenomenal. You're exactly where you should be."

_No_, I think. _I should be lying in that bed in a coma_. But I do not tell her that. Instead, I make a joke –sort of.

"I guess I am, considering that I'm a six month old stuck in a sixteen-year-old's body."

Sarah Beth smiles and tilts her head. "See? That right there proves you're wrong. I don't know many sixteen year olds with that kind of wit, let alone six month olds." She pats my cheek. "Please, don't get too down on yourself."

"Oh, she won't. I'll make sure of that." And as if she already knows how I'm feeling today, Alice Cullen appears in my doorway with my favorite ice cream and a huge smile.

"Hi, Alice," Sarah Beth greets her. "I was wondering if I was going to see you today."

"I try not to disappoint," Alice chirps.

"Well, I'm glad you're here," Sarah Beth answers, giving Alice a meaningful look.

Alice nods and makes her way towards me with my Ben & Jerry's and two spoons this time.

"Hey, Alice," I greet her.

"Hi, Bella."

"How did you know today was a Chunky Monkey kind of day?" I ask as she sits.

"How do I know it's not going to rain tomorrow? Who knows?" She shrugs, and we laugh because she's so right. I've learned to accept Alice's quirks, and it doesn't even freak me out that she's right all the time.

Handing me the frozen container in question and one of the spoons, she lets me dig in to the pint we'll share first. I take my bite and hand it back to her.

"So, how was school today?" I ask as soon as I've swallowed. I decided a week or two ago that I wanted to go to school again someday like a normal kid, so these conversations are my reconnaissance work. I'm going to learn as much as I can before bringing it up to Charlie. Alice knows this and indulges me.

"It was fine. There was a fire drill during first period. It scared the living daylights out of all the... _kids._ It was very entertaining."

I smile and nod and try to imagine if I would have found it frightening or entertaining. Probably frightening.

She passes the ice cream back to me.

"What about you, how was your day?" Alice asks sweetly.

"It was fine," I answer.

"Uh, huh. And that's why you were in need of banana flavored muck with chocolate and nuts in it."

"Hey! You're eating it, too!" I answer in defense, shoveling my bite in my mouth before passing the container back to her.

She takes it and digs around for a while before finding her perfect bite. Alice always has to find the perfect bite. Some people would whine about her taking the best chunks out of the ice cream, but it's not like that with her. And somehow, I swear that I always end up eating most of it, anyway. As soon as she's done fooling around in the ice cream, she passes it back to me and clicks on the television.

I sit back against my bed and scoot over, patting the space next to me. Three months ago, Alice had to help me slide over and I smile at the thought as she climbs up. Occupational therapy and psychotherapy aren't the only rehabilitation I've required. I've been in physical therapy five days a week for the last twenty seven weeks. I had to build up my muscles just so that I could stand or brush my own hair. I had to do exercises just to be able to dress myself, feed myself, brush my teeth and hold a pencil.

Not to mention learning to walk again. It's been exhausting and tedious, but I can finally walk across the room and stand long enough to take a shower. I still have a long way to go, but I'm doing better than I was initially. I'm doing better than I should be for someone who was lying in a coma for two years.

Alice snaps her fingers in front of my face, and I realize I've zoned out on her.

"_How's It's Made_ or _Mythbusters_ today, Bella?" she asks.

I'm hopelessly addicted to The Science Channel and Alice doesn't seem to mind watching with me. Plus she patiently explains things when I get confused. I'm fascinated with the things I see on television because my own existence is, for the most part, a complete an utter void.

"_How It's Made_ is fine with me," I answer. Alice selects the channel, and I take another bite of ice cream. We watch the first segment about springs. Alice tells me she's done with the ice cream, so I put the lid on it and set it aside because I'm done, too. The topic of the second segment of the show is pianos.

"Edward plays piano," Alice says while we watch the sound boards being constructed.

"Really?" I ask.

"Yes. Rosalie and Esme play, too. Jasper plays guitar and accordion..."

"Accordion?"

"He learned how to play just to annoy Edward."

I stop and look at the ethereal creature sitting next to me. "Why?"

"Why not?" She shrugs.

I laugh. "Oo-kay... Tell me something else."

"About?"

"I don't know, the rest of your family?"

"The family, or Edward?"

I blush and shrug. "Whatever."

"He likes you, too," she says quietly.

I don't say anything for a long time.

"I've never met him, Alice. How could I like him? And how could he possibly like me?"

"Oh, please, Bella. You're my best friend. I talk about you all the time."

"But he doesn't know me."

"He knows about you. That's enough."

I blush again and look at my fingers. "He has really good taste in books. And music."

"I'll tell him you said so."

I turn red. "Please don't."

"Why?"

I shrug.

She nudges me with her shoulder gently, but the bony part hits me, and I'm sure I'll have a bruise tomorrow. "He'd be glad to hear it."

"Well, maybe if I ever meet him, I'll tell him myself. You know, to thank him."

Alice gets that dreamy look in her eyes, and I know she's trying to see if she can do that thing where she figures out the future.

"Yes," she says, turning to me with a smile. "That would be nice. Someday."

"Someday," I say. And then my eyes are drawn to the window and the woods beyond.

I try to figure out why I wonder about Alice's mysterious brother so often. She brings him up a fair amount, and they seem very close, but I've never seen him at the hospital. Alice says his parents died in a hospital a long time ago and that he almost died, too. It's assumed that he doesn't like to be here for that reason. Not that I can blame him. Maybe once I leave here, I'll hate hospitals, too.

The next day Charlie is here for my physical therapy evaluation. Last week the powers that be decided to put me on the stair climbing machine because there are stairs in Charlie's house and the only bathroom is on the second floor. I fell off my first go-around, and this week I stumble and nearly fall off twice before the therapist moves me to the treadmill.

I feel angry tears pooling in my eyes. I don't like to fail. And I hate that I'm so clumsy.

"Bells..." Charlie says, getting up from his chair in the corner for the first time. "It's okay. It's not just because you had to learn to walk again."

I slow my pace and glance at him. He moves in front of the machine so I can see him.

"You were always a little less than coordinated. Even before..." He trails off and I realize that he doesn't want to say it.

"Before I fell to my doom?"

He smiles halfway, and it makes his mustache look funny. "Yeah, before you fell to your doom."

We both laugh nervously.

"Is that why I fell, do you suppose? You never talk about it. Neither does Renee."

Charlie clears his throat. "I think it was. The rocks were slippery. Renee should have known better."

"Do you blame her?" I ask for the first time. I've wondered this for a while.

He shakes his head. "I shouldn't. But I did for a long time."

"I wish I could remember if I wanted to go with her. Maybe it was something I always wanted to try."

Charlie smiles weakly. "Maybe... but I doubt it. You were very responsible. You knew yourself pretty well. The day before your accident, you called me and told me that Renee was trying to get you on a surfboard."

"Did I do it?"

"Of course not. We laughed about it like it was the craziest thing she'd ever suggested. Your mom was always trying crazy things."

I nod and continue walking. My feet only trip over each other once or twice.

"So, I've been thinking about selling that old house and buying a new place for a little while now," Charlie says after I stumble again.

"Why?" I ask, hoping I'm not the reason.

"Well... I was afraid to get rid of it before. It was all I had left of you and your mom back then. But now... it holds so many memories for me, and not all of them good ones. You got a fresh start and I think maybe I need one, too."

I nod and look away.

"How do you feel about that?" Charlie asks. The question sounds like he's reading from a script. I realize he's probably discussed this with my therapist.

"I'm not sure," I answer.

"Well, how do you feel when you think about moving into the house I've had since you were a baby. Into a room that was yours when your mom and I brought you home from the hospital the first time?"

I sigh. "I would feel weird."

"Okay. So, I know of a few places I'd like to consider already."

"Wow."

"I haven't really looked yet, it's just that being the sheriff has its perks."

"Meaning you know everybody's business?" I ask, smiling at him because I can tell he's embarrassed.

He clears his throat. "It's the nature of the job. Anyway, would you like to help me decide on one?"

"Sure," I shrug.

He smiles and nods. "Good. I'll talk to Dr. Cullen about getting you signed out for an afternoon this week, and I'll get somebody to show us the houses. It'll be like a practice run for when we spring you from this joint."

I almost fall off the treadmill and hit the emergency stop right away. "Wait... you mean, I have to leave the hospital! Now?"

Charlie looks around, uncomfortable with my shrieking no doubt. "Um... well, not now, but sometime this week. I thought it would be good for you. So it's not as difficult when you get discharged. Dr. Cullen agreed."

My heart is beating too fast and I can't breathe. I'm terrified for some unknown reason, but before I can go into full out anxiety attack mode, Dr. Cullen arrives and takes me by the shoulders.

"Bella, look at me," he orders. I meet his eyes, and he holds my gaze almost supernaturally. I feel like I'm locked in a tractor beam, but it's not an unpleasant sensation. Especially when all my fear falls away, and I can breathe again. "That's right, just breathe. You're fine."

Charlie looks frantic when I finally calm down, but he's trying to play it cool. Dr. Cullen smiles and rubs my shoulders lightly where he was gripping me. He has strong hands, and I'm always amazed that his touch can be so gentle.

"Better?" he smiles.

I nod. "Yeah, thank you. I'm sorry." I look at my father. "Sorry, Charlie."

He shakes his head. "It's okay, kiddo. I guess I shouldn't have sprung it on you."

"No," I say. "You didn't. I've just been..." I trail off. Dr. Cullen looks at me with a questioning gaze. I nod. He takes my hand and pats it once before turning to Charlie.

"Bella has been having some anxiety attacks. They are completely normal for someone making a transition like she is. Her therapist is working with her on some techniques to help her manage them, but as the time for her to leave the hospital gets nearer, they may get worse before they get better."

Charlie is shell shocked and sad.

"I'm sorry," I mutter.

Dr. Cullen whispers something comforting in my ear while Charlie rubs the back of his neck and examines the floor. He finally looks at me and tries to smile.

"Well, that seems... normal, right? I guess I'd be pretty freaked out, too," he says.

I shrug and feel more than a little lost again.

Charlie is quiet the rest of his visit. So am I. I apologize and so does he. He says he'll be back later for dinner but leaves to make the arrangements for house hunting. Dr. Cullen insists it's still a good idea.

I'm crying softly into my pillow when Alice arrives after school. She climbs onto the bed behind me and runs her fingers through my hair, smoothing it out of the rat's nest I'm sure that it's in. She says nothing but stays with me until I'm ready to talk.

"Charlie is going to buy a new house," I whisper.

"I know."

"I have to leave the hospital."

"You do."

"I'm..." I can't even find the words to say how I feel.

"I know, sweetie," Alice says, stroking my hair. "I brought you something, though."

I remain silent, but Alice knows I'm listening.

"Here," she says and a giant stuffed bumblebee thing appears in front of me.

I sniffle and sit up a little. "A Pillow Pet?"

She shrugs. "Somebody suggested you might like one."

I smile. "There was a little girl in therapy one day. She had the one that looked like a panda bear and let me hold it when I hurt myself falling off the stair machine."

"So you like it? We weren't entirely sure about the bee, but Bella starts with a 'B' and it's cheery."

I nod and blush, because it's slightly embarrassing. "It's perfect. Thank you."

Alice smiles and hugs me. I lie back down and tuck the bumblebee under my chin. Alice lies beside me and we talk about nothing until she says Charlie is on his way in. I honestly think she can read minds sometimes, too, and I tell her so. That makes her laugh.

I'm laughing again, too, by the time Charlie shows up. Alice is a miracle worker. She's done my hair and told me joke after joke about mind readers and psychics. She leaves so that I can have dinner with Charlie but tells me she'll be back the next day. Charlie hugs her and thanks her for everything.

"She's strong for such a little thing," Charlie comments when she's gone.

"I know," I say, nodding.

Charlie smiles. "You can bring her with us if you want. To look at houses, I mean." My answering smile is brilliant, and I immediately tell him I'll ask her to join us.

In the end, Alice doesn't make it for my field-trip with Charlie. The weather is going to be nice over the weekend and Dr. Cullen is taking some time off to take his brood of foster children out camping. I have a hard time imagining Alice roughing it, but she makes it sound like they go all the time.

When the weekend arrives and the sun shines brightly, I start to think I get why people would want to stay outdoors as much as possible. I've hardly experienced the sun since I can remember, so I am surprised by how familiar the warmth feels. Charlie takes me to a park, and we share some donuts and juice at a picnic table before we go to the first house. It's still chilly, but very beautiful.

We spend all day out. I get overwhelmed a handful of times, but I don't have an actual anxiety attack.

We find a house that Charlie and I both feel pretty excited about. It's nestled up against the Olympic Mountains and not too far from some river Charlie says is good for fishing. It's on the opposite side of town from his old house, but it's a newer house with a split bedroom floor plan. The real estate agent tells us this means that the master bedroom is on one side of the house while the rest of the bedrooms are on the other. The kitchen, dining, and living areas are in the middle, and Charlie thinks it sound's an ideal set-up for us. I agree.

Three weeks later, we're moving in. And I'm moving out.

"Well, that's the last of your things here, Bella," Alice says as she expertly packs the last small box of my stuff. You'd think she was a professional mover with the way she handled everything. "You're all ready to go home now."

I take a deep breath and hug my bumblebee tighter to me. The ridiculous thing has become like a security blanket since Alice gave it to me. I know it's juvenile behavior for a sixteen and a half year old girl, but then not many girls my age have fallen off of cliffs or spent two and a half years in a hospital.

Charlie walks back in from his last trip to the car and ruffles my hair.

"You okay?"

"Yeah," I sigh. He chuckles because he's trying to keep things light for both of us.

"I'm just going to take this out to the cruiser then, okay? Come on out when you're ready."

"I want to say goodbye to the nurses first," I say.

He nods once and I know he'll wait as long as I need him to.

"Come on, Bella. You'll be back here on Monday for therapy anyway," Alice coaxes me.

"I know," I reply, but I make no move to get up from the chair I've been in for the last hour.

"You can do this."

"How did you do it?" I ask, gazing up into her pretty golden eyes. There are a thousand questions in my plain brown ones.

Alice smiles and kneels in front of me. "I put one foot in front of the other and I had faith in those I knew would love me along the way. Jasper... Carlisle... And Edward."

_Edward..._

His name makes me smile. I still don't know why. Perhaps because of his silent but enduring kindness to me. It makes no sense, except that it is in line with what I've learned of the Cullens; they are a generous and loving family.

My belief in that truth is only solidified by Edward's gift to me this morning. It's a loan really, another book, but I know I could keep it as long as I wanted to. _The Secret Garden _by Frances Hodgson Burnett is one I've been longing to read. I wonder how he knew it would be the perfect distraction for me this week. I wonder if it was really Alice that knew, how she always knows.

I smile at her and take her hand. It's cold, like always, but a comfort to me as I stand and walk out the door.

~(~)~

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><p><em><strong>Next update... has been delayed for re-writes. Hopefully, the wait is worth it.<br>**_

_**(EDIT: 10/02/11- Shooting to finish the re-writes this week. Again, I'm sorry for the delay.) :-)  
><strong>_


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